Hi everyone.  To introduce myself and my situation: I am American.  I met a Lao woman in an international chat room who I've known for a few months now. We chat regularly. I find her very nice and we seem to get along well.  But I have a few concerns and was hoping I could get some feedback from forum members.

She would like me to come to Laos to spend time with her. She says we could stay together and travel together while I was here. I have read though, that even being in the same room with a Lao woman (unless she is your wife) is illegal for a foreigner, let alone living together, so it I don't see how it would be possible to do this. It seems I would constantly be at risk of a run in with the police and could at the very least receive a large fine. She says this isn't really so and I would see how things were if I came to Laos. I would like to get more people's perspective on this.

Another thing is that when I first began talking to her she told me she was from Thailand, not Laos. Eventually I came to realize this wasn't the case, and confronted her with it, but she kept insisting she was from Thailand. Eventually she did tell me the truth that she was from Laos, not Thailand, and then also told me more about herself and her life, the province she was born in, etc. But she also insisted she did not lie and it was just a misunderstanding between us (which I do not feel is accurate). I have the impression she has been honest with me ever since then, but don't really understand why she lied to me about this at all, since it seems like a pointless lie.

Any thoughts?

velive wrote on 4^th Jul, 2011 at 6:47am:

Another thing is that when I first began talking to her she told me she was from Thailand, not Laos. Eventually I came to realize this wasn't the case, and confronted her with it, but she kept insisting she was from Thailand. Eventually she did tell me the truth that she was from Laos, not Thailand, and then also told me more about herself and her life, the province she was born in, etc. But she also insisted she did not lie and it was just a misunderstanding between us (which I do not feel is accurate). I have the impression she has been honest with me ever since then, but don't really understand why she lied to me about this at all, since it seems like a pointless lie. Any thoughts?

She lied to you because maybe she thought it would increase her percentages of finding that 'someone-special'. Thailand is world-famous for picking up broads.

Well, she already got off to a bad start by lying to you about some things.

Firstly, she lied that the both of you could stay together. The law in Laos says you can't stay together unless you're married or you risk recieving a large fine. Then she lied to you that she was from Thailand.

There's already warning signs to suggest that she is not trustworthy.

I suggest you read http://travel.state.gov/travel/cis_pa_tw/cis/cis_946.html#special_circumstance


Quote:

Relationship with Lao Citizens: Lao law prohibits sexual contact between foreign citizens and Lao nationals except when the two parties have been married in accordance with Lao Family Law. Any foreigner who enters into a sexual relationship with a Lao national risks being interrogated, detained, arrested, or fined. Lao police have confiscated passports and imposed fines of up to $5,000 on foreigners who enter into unapproved sexual relationships. The Lao party to the relationship may be jailed without trial. Foreigners are not permitted to invite Lao nationals of the opposite sex to their hotel rooms; police may raid hotel rooms without notice or consent. If you plan to marry a Lao national, you are required by Lao law to obtain prior permission from the Lao Government. The formal application process can take as long as a year. You can obtain information about these requirements from the U.S. Embassy in Vientiane. The Lao Government will not issue a marriage certificate unless the correct procedures are followed. Any attempt to circumvent Lao regulations may result in arrest, imprisonment, a fine of $500 to $5,000 and deportation. If you cohabit with or enter into a close relationship with a Lao national, you may be accused by Lao authorities of entering into an illegal marriage and be subject to these same penalties. If you wish to become engaged to a Lao national, you must also obtain prior permission from the chief of the village where the Lao national resides. Failure to obtain prior permission can result in a fine of $500 to $5,000. Lao police may impose a large fine on a foreign citizen a few days after he or she holds an engagement ceremony with a Lao citizen based on the suspicion that the couple subsequently had sexual relations out of wedlock.

Just trying to keep you out of trouble.
Bubba

Hi.

Thanks for your replies.

I cannot know for sure, of course, but I do not think she is intentionally trying to mislead me about the law; I think she just isn't familiar with it, or does not believe it is enforced. She did not seem to be aware such a law existed until I myself informed her of it, after I discovered it, by reading on the internet. She told me she has a friend who lives together with a foreign boyfriend, and the police have never bothered them. When I told her I have read stories of this happening, she said she thought the parents of the girl probably reported the boyfriend to the police because they wanted him to marry her.

At any rate, since if I were to travel to Laos it would be mainly to spend time with her to get to know her better, I think it would add a lot of needless anxiety to my trip, thinking that by being with her I was always risking falling afoul of the law. This makes me hesitant to make the trip.

What I don't understand is, with this law in place, how do foreigners and Lao nationals end up forming relationships? Do they meet and get to know each other outside of Laos? Or are there just some foreign visitors to Laos who don't take this law very seriously and are willing to risk getting pulled in by the police in order to be together with a girlfriend?

You don't necessarily have to live together to form a relationship. You can hang out all day with each other, go to the movies, have dinner, etc.

You just can't live "alone" together. If your girlfriend is living with her parents and they invite you to stay at their place, the law will allow that.

My wife was unaware of the law also and thought I was kidding her.

When my wife and I were getting to know each other, we toured Lao with an already married Lao couple.  We traveled from Luang Prabang to Don Det Island. It was a  great way to get to know each other,  and because the couple we traveled with were born and raised in Lao it gave me a chance to see the country through her eyes. We ate what the locals ate and stayed in guest houses.
We also rented separate rooms for the whole month.

So go to Lao, get to know your future wife, be aware of the law, and always give the appearance of proper behavior.

Bubba

velive wrote on 4^th Jul, 2011 at 6:47am:

Hi everyone.  To introduce myself and my situation: I am American. I met a Lao woman in an international chat room who I've known for a few months now. We chat regularly. I find her very nice and we seem to get along well. But I have a few concerns and was hoping I could get some feedback from forum members. She would like me to come to Laos to spend time with her. She says we could stay together and travel together while I was here. I have read though, that even being in the same room with a Lao woman (unless she is your wife) is illegal for a foreigner, let alone living together, so it I don't see how it would be possible to do this. It seems I would constantly be at risk of a run in with the police and could at the very least receive a large fine. She says this isn't really so and I would see how things were if I came to Laos. I would like to get more people's perspective on this. Another thing is that when I first began talking to her she told me she was from Thailand, not Laos. Eventually I came to realize this wasn't the case, and confronted her with it, but she kept insisting she was from Thailand. Eventually she did tell me the truth that she was from Laos, not Thailand, and then also told me more about herself and her life, the province she was born in, etc. But she also insisted she did not lie and it was just a misunderstanding between us (which I do not feel is accurate). I have the impression she has been honest with me ever since then, but don't really understand why she lied to me about this at all, since it seems like a pointless lie. Any thoughts?

Hello,

I bet you that you are not her first American she has invited to come over and stay with her. This girl is lying to you bro. Don't believe anything until you know who she is. Try to find out about her through her friends and family. Don't fall into a trap. Have you seen her face to face like on Skype or MSN messenger or even Yahoo messenger. Find out as much as you can about her before you go over. And please I warn you "Do Not Send her money ". It seems like this girl has done this kind of thing before. Just my friendly advise or my 2 cents on this.

Admin,

Thanks for clarifying, regarding what is permitted and what is not. But I thought the law extended beyond just living alone together. When I was reading on the topic, I came across a statement that it is illegal for a foreign man and a Lao national to even be alone in the same room together at any time? Is this true?

Just seems it could make things more difficult, always having to be in public, and never having any time in private together.

Laoguy,

Thanks for adding your feedback. I have not seen her face to face on Skype, though she has sent me pictures of herself. I am not sure how I would find out about her through her friends or family, since I don't know them. She has never asked me to send her money; and I can't imagine her doing that. The most she asked me was to look over her practice English essays (she has only minimal knowledge of English). But when I asked her if she was mainly interested in me for help with her English, she said no, and never asked again. Even when I offered to look at an essay for her and correct it she didn't send it. So I don't get the impression she just wants to get something out of me--at least not in any obvious way. She has told me she lives in Vientiane, where she works in an office. Originally she is from another province, where her family still lives.

velive wrote on 10^th Jul, 2011 at 1:09pm:

When I was reading on the topic, I came across a statement that it is illegal for a foreign man and a Lao national to even be alone in the same room together at any time? Is this true?

It depends what room we are talking about.

If it's at her parents place then it shouldn't be a problem because people are allowed to visit each other.

A foreign man and a Lao woman alone in a guesthouse or hotel room are usually involved in sexual activities. Many accommodation have notices to warn you that guests are not allowed in their rooms.

Velive,

Generally speaking, usually Lao woman will not sleep with you and invited you to stay together.  Therefore, it is a sign that this girl is not what you think she is.  Ask her if she wants to show her face in Skype. Just warning bro. I just came from Laos 8 months ago.  Some girls have regular work days and also regular part time at night. Some try to see if they can have someone send them money from all over the world.  As soon as you offered to send her money then she would come up all kind of problems so you'd be sympathy with her needs.  Good luck my friend

I know not all lao women like that, but there are some.  I am lao and even married lao girl once and probably marry a lao girl again. lolz

dont worry about it, get your butt over there and partay you feel me. get to know her and stay safe. i doubt she knows her laws. many lao people have little to no interests in thier goverment and its laws unless it directly effects them like say you cant plant corn or something haha

I took your suggestion and have spoken with her over Skype a few times now. Her internet connection seems very poor (slow, always disconnecting), so she has to go to an internet shop for us to do a video call there successfully. But everything went well and she seems to enjoy talking on Skype.

(What was the reason you thought she might not want to be seen on Skype, by the way?)

She hasn't asked me for any money either. Overall, I have a pretty good feeling about the way things are going.

first~ if your relationship isn't
too a point that you can go on skype..
do even consider this yet,

ive lived in more then 5 countries & half of the u,s
if you love someone borders & laws shouldn't matter,

but if your so worried about the law
ask for her,